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Stan Writes Santa (Parody)

Eminem

Chorus It will soon be Christmas Day
They're going out to sleigh
He'll come slide right down my chimney
To give some gum an' treats
I've got silvers bells, and Santa's elves
It's my favorite holiday
They remind me that it's Christmas time
It's Christmas time…

Dear Santa.
How's it going? Yo it's Stan. What's up?
I wanted to send you my letter earlier
You know, to beat the Christmas rush.
I know we already spoke when I saw you at the mall
But I thought you might forget
So just bring me what I wrote on this list,
And we'll be all set.
First off, I want a Sony Playstation 2
And a bunch of games, I don't care which ones
I'll leave that up to you.
I want that Teenage Dirtbag CD by Weathus
Some health figure jeans and a new par Adidas.
Bring me a TV and a home computer.
A fat leather jacket and a racer scooter
I don't want no books I don't want no socks
I don't want none of that stuff.
I trust you Santa I know you'll hook a brother up.
Hey and listen: after delivering all those gifts
I think you're ready to party
So instead of cookies and milk
I'ma hook you up with a party
Well, I know you got a lot to do and a lot to plan
So just beep me if you got any questions.
Yo I'm out. This is Stan.

Chorus

Dear Fat Man.
You didn't bring me nothing I asked you to!
I guess this is all some kind of sick joke to you.
Does messing with me bring you some kind of joy?
I asked you for a Playstation 2
You brang me a gameboy!
And what's up with this chemistry set that wasn't on the listg.
And what in the world makes you think I'd want Britney SpearsCD?
I think you've been in the cold to long it must have froze yourbrain.
I specifically said no socks, I got 14 pairs, are you insane?
And where's my racer scooter, did you leave that on the shelf?
JeezeLouise Santa. Do I have to do everything myself?
You better bring me my stuff by New Year
Or next year I won't leave you none of my daddy's beer.
Do we understand each other Santa?
Good, that's what I thought.
P. S. Tell Mrs. Claus, I think she hot.

Dear Stan.
Don't threaten me you snot-nosed little punk.
There's a very good reason I left you all that whacked junk.
I make two lists each year to separate everybody
I got one list for the nice and one list for the naughty.
In February this year you stole some cash from your mother
In March you beat the crap out of your poor little brother.
In April you skipped 3 days of school
And in May you started smoking 'cause you thought it was cool.
In June you stole a bicycle with no hesitation.
July and August, hmm… you where ok.
What, you take a vacation?
September my goodness, you made quite an impression.
Burglary, assault, misdemeanor possession.
So you see you little scumbag, there's a reason you got this.
You were at the very top on my naughty boys list.
So complain all you want about your lame Christmas gifts.
You got what you deserved.
P.S. Thanks for the Schlitz. *burp*

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  188. Things Get Worse
  189. The Kiss (Skit)
  190. The Cypher (with Mos Def, and Black Thought)
  191. Talking 2 Myself
  192. Talk 2 Me
  193. Steve Berman (Marshall Mather LP)
  194. Soldier (the Goat Remix 1st verse)
  195. Tonya (skit)
  196. Touchdown
  197. Won't Back Down
  198. Without Me (Skit With Ken)
  199. What The Beat
  200. Welcome To Detroit City
  201. We All Die 1 Day
  202. Watch Dees
  203. Shake That (remix)
  204. Shake That
  205. Shady Narcotics (intro)
  206. Murder Murder
  207. Mr. Mathers (skit)
  208. Make Some Noise (Featering Dr.Dre)
  209. Living Proof
  210. Lighters (Feat. Bruno Mars)
  211. Ken Kaniff
  212. Just the Two of Us(Radio Edit)
  213. Murder Murder (Remix)
  214. My 1st Single
  215. No Love (ft. Lil Wayne)
  216. Shady 2.0 (Cypher)
  217. Session One
  218. Searchin'
  219. Say My Name (jermaine Dupri And Moby Diss)
  220. Run Rabbit Run
  221. Renegade
  222. Purple Pills
  223. Nuttin' To Do
  224. Richard (feat. Obie Trice)
  225. Throw That (feat. Slaughterhouse)
  226. Throw That (feat. Slaughterhouse)
  227. Our House (feat. Slaughterhouse / Skylar Grey)
  228. Here Comes The Weekend (feat. P!nk)
  229. Closed Doors (feat. Nicki Minaj)
  230. 25 To Life (feat. Namolla Family)
  231. Numb (feat. Rihanna)
  232. My Life (feat. 50 Cent & Adam Levine)
  233. C'mon Let Me Ride (feat. Skylar Grey)
  234. My Only Chance
  235. Symphony In H
  236. Survival (feat. Liz Rodrigues)
  237. Second Chance (feat. Ludacris & Lil Wayne)
  238. The Monster (feat. Rihanna)
  239. Brainless
  240. Stronger Than I Was
  241. Legacy
  242. Love Game
  243. Love Game (feat. Kendrick Lamar)
  244. Desperation (feat. Jamie N Commons)
  245. Rhyme Or Reason
  246. Evil Twin
  247. So Far
  248. So Much Better
  249. Bad Guy
  250. Welcome 2 Hell
  251. Parking Lot (Skit)
  252. So Far...
  253. Asshole (feat. Skylar Grey)
  254. Groundhog Day
  255. Don't Front (feat. Buckshot)
  256. Beautiful Pain (feat. Sia)
  257. Wicked Ways
  258. Baby
  259. Calm Down (feat. Busta Rhymes)
  260. Pooh Butt Day
  261. Go Ahead
  262. Right For Me
  263. Fine Line
  264. Vegas (ft. Royce da 5'9)
  265. Bane
  266. Farewell
  267. Speedom (feat. Tech N9ne / Krizz Kaliko)
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