So You Wanna Marry Daisy

So you wanna marry Daisy
Yeah, well, good luck with that
You got about as much of a chance
Of licking the brim of my hat

'Cause she's a pure-bred, her forehead's
Worth about as much as your car
So let's just say your little bouquet
Won't get you very far

But slow down there slick
See my sleeves are full of tricks
You just say the word and I'll have you birds
Kissing at the Ritz

And my price? It's nothing, it's cookie crumbs
More of a steal if you ask me
In terms of conditions, my friend
I've only got three

Rule one, congratulations, son
You've been promoted to private eye
I want a page a week on every word she speaks
And brother, don't ask why

Rule two, you see that window
Right above mademoiselle's boudoir?
Won't you be a doll and unlock it?
I gotta make a quick withdrawal and a small deposit

And last but not least
Listen up close kid, this one's for your own good
If that girl ever twirls her little brunette curls
And leans in close to say

Meet me under the Magnolia tonight
If you wanna get a little crazy

Well, you turn and run for the hills, straight and fast
Because crazy's Daisy's way of saying
You'll end up laying on the wrong side of the grass
So you wanna marry Daisy

Well, that death wish don't come free
But a wicked dream needs a wicked schemer
So thank heavens you met me

She's got a two-ply, cream pie, uni degree
In stealing from suckers like you, stealing
She's got a two-ply, cream pie, hard knocks degree
In feasting on suckers, on suckers like you