My Most Recent Ex

I just got off the phone with my most recent ex
So glad to be alone, he made me a nervous wreck
His grass was getting greener, I was getting meaner
He wanted an explanation, I needed a vacation

I just screened a call from my most recent ex
I almost picked up the phone but he was calling collect
I wouldn't mind lending him money but I don't want him calling me honey
I wouldn't mind being his lover if I didn't have to be his mother

I just go from one to another
You could be my friend, you could be my lover
I just go from trouble to trouble
Pour me a shot, better make it a double

I just closed the books on my most recent ex
Endless conversations for just one night of sex
He was trying to save face, but someone else was in his place
He wants to know how this will end, now here we go again

I just heard the news of my most recent ex
Settled in in the suburbs, I'm sure a bunch of kids are next
I don't have a mortgage and I don't have a car
Sitting at the bar in the afternoon and I thank my lucky stars