Ricky Tidwell's Mama Is Gonna Play Football

Ricky Tidwell was a great athlete
He was a big strong boy that was quick on his feet
And every college in the country wanted Ricky on their line
Oh when the scouts came knocking on Ricky's door
They didn't want to talk to young Rick no more
When they saw his mama she's the one they wanted to sign

She was a real bold woman raised on a farm
Had Bear Bryant tattooed on her forearm
She was meaner than hell and ran the 40 in 4.3
She could squat 600 bench press 5
The hands down meanest homemaker alive
Got a scholarship playing linebacker in the SEC

Ricky Tidwell's mama is gonna play football
Her real name's Doris but they're gonna call her "Too Tall"
She's got shoulders and a hind end four foot wide
Going to college on a full ride
Doris Tidwell's gonna play in the NC-double-A

She'd wash all her team mates uniforms
Tucked everybody in in the football dorms
Cooked the game meal, said the Lord's prayer
You're missing a jockstrap? She's got a spare
Crawled in the huddle, and called all the plays
The only one tough enough to go both ways
Yeah...a mouth full of mud, scoured up knees
Cussing out the coaches spittin' on referees

Ricky Tidwell's mama's gonna play football
Her real name's Doris
But they're gonna call her "Too Tall"
They say she's a fine young man but she's really not
Ricky's mama was the master of the cheap shot
And on the triple option play she could ruin your day

She led the team in tackles and the league in sacks
Responsible for killing nine running backs
But the school's reputation was destroyed
They accused Ricky's mama of steroids

Ricky Tidwell's mama's on probation
Now the college is under their eighth investigation
They wouldn't leave poor Ricky Tidwell's mama alone
She'd been takin' male hormones